How to Confront Your Bullies | 2 Methods for Work, School and Uni
How to Confront Your Bullies in 12 mins - YouTube
Good Morning!
First of all, let’s define a bully:
A bully is someone who’s projecting their emotions onto you and who don’t know how to simply sit with themselves and their problematic thoughts.
Maybe not what you were expecting, but it’s scarily accurate nonetheless.
This definition opens the question of “how to confront your bullies” to a wider audience than just students or something.
If you’ve ever felt randomly judged by someone or felt like they don’t accept you for some reason, it’s because they’re emotionally unstable.
That doesn’t mean that they’re messed up or crazy, they just don’t know how to deal with the negative perceptions that they have of themselves and of their life.
They feel like they’ve been used by people, abandoned, treated badly or just gotten unlucky with things like who their parents are, how they were raised or other cards they’ve been dealt.
But why do they choose to let out these feelings in such a negative way?…
Why do people bully others? | For NO reason??
Now there’s FOUR steps that we need to quickly run through before we cover how to ACTUALLY address bullying situations or how to deal with people that can’t help but judge or doubt you.
These steps will show us WHY people go out of their way to fuck around with other people.
1) Understand the following quote from the Peaky Pines Playbook:
“The truth is, nobody knows what they’re doing, what the best decisions are, what’s perfectly good or bad and they certainly don’t know what kind of person you should be. Remember that, when you begin to take things personally...” (The Peaky Pines Playbook 2:1)
2) Understand that the person’s just projecting their own self-doubts when they doubt you. They have no ability to be calm and withhold emotions that damage other people.
3) Know that it isn’t what you’re doing or who you are that’s the problem, it doesn’t matter. Even if someone thinks you’re “annoying”, that feeling that they have is happening within their own body, and really they should be asking themselves, “why am I feeling this way?”
In reality, if it really was your annoyingness that makes them sour and frown and feel bad, then you’re quite powerful.
Jokes aside though, they’re responsible for their own emotions and really they’re completely failing to reflect on how they feel, who they are and failing to be calm.
And learning to be regularly calm is in everyone’s best interest.
4) We need to understand that when a bully has “targeted” you, it’s because they’ve decided that you’re a weak target who’ll let them project their emotions onto you over and over again.
This is why it’s important to start an intentional personal-growth journey.
Not just growing up.
But TRULY a journey where you actively seek to learn things about yourself, others and the world at large, as well as mould your lifestyle into one that helps you get fitter, eat healthier, sleep better and feel more fulfilled.
A life-time commitment that makes you feel strong, empowered and capable of getting loads of meaningful shit done.
Join the Peaky Pines Email Community if you want a place to start.
Now, last week I wrote a blog post on turning fear into motivation by using “Reconditioning Sentences”, where you slowly recondition your brain to EMBRACE things that you’re fearful of or nervous for, rather than shy away from them.
The way to create these Reconditioning Sentences for yourself is by using a “No-Fear Framework”.
Here’s two examples of how to use the No-Fear Framework to deal with people who can’t control their emotions or handle their fears, doubts and insecurities without harassing you…
Best ways to handle a bully
The No-Fear Framework is the first, non-confrontational step to handling people who project their self-doubts, feelings of self-hate and emotions onto you.
The second is confrontational, and we’ll cover that afterwards.
Say this to yourself or in your head EVERY. SINGLE. TIME you’re about to go to work/school/uni or right after you finish dealing with the mentally struggling person:
Bullying at work: “[I’m so glad that] I get this opportunity to remain calm when this person judges me, harasses me or doubts me. For me, I can stay relaxed when stressful events happen, and I can reflect on my feelings as they arise, instead of blaming other people for them. Similarly to this person who’s been bothering me, [I’ve known many people] who are sad, angry, have issues in their personal lives or just doubt that achieving great or interesting things is even possible, and they put that onto others. [How unfortunate]. I’m gonna tell my boss about this, but good luck to them”.
Bullying at school/uni: Just say the same thing, but instead of telling your boss, tell a teacher and a parent.
For online harassment: “[I’m so glad that] I feel confident enough to give my opinions in real life, rather than from the safety of a computer screen. If I had a problem with someone, I would address them in real-time privately, to talk to them about it. [I’ve known plenty of people] who spend hours of their lives just letting their emotions loose on social media and who think that they can avoid facing the consequences of projecting their negative feelings and judgements onto people by doing it over a phone. I value my time, and I don’t make others suffer when I don’t wanna deal with my own problems. Good luck to these people, and I hope that their weaknesses don’t last forever”.
How do you stand up to your bullies? | Literal Confrontation.
Okay, here’s what you should consider doing:
1) Stand, and acknowledge that the longer you put off confronting a person who’s literally making others feel worse, THEMSELVES feel worse and who’re allowing themselves to mentally struggle, the worse the situation usually gets for all people involved.
2) At work or at school/uni , ask the person why they’re harassing you/people.
3) Tell them that what they’re doing is “pathetic. Deal with your shit properly”, or something, because it’s kinda how it is.
At school, walk right up to the person with a friend who can just be present, and pretty much say the same thing, “you’re harassing me, and it’s pathetic. Deal with your shit properly”.
4) Tell your boss or your teacher.
The point is as I said at the beginning, the bully can’t control their feelings and so they’re finding someone to project them onto for literally ANY justification that they can come up with.
That’s not good for you or for them.
Except that you don’t really take it personally, because you know that no-one knows shit about anything, anyone, or even themselves.
And you also know that they’re just projecting uncontrolled and personal negative feelings onto you because they think that you’ll just take it like a punching bag.
NO MORE.
Now, go deal with those people.
That’s it!
Disclaimer no. 2: Although we’ve agreed that bullies have personal issues that they can’t handle and an inability to reflect on their emotions and be calm, instead of projecting their feelings, don’t judge them.
In fact, go to your boss or a teacher and tell them that they might need some mental health support.
Or just send the bully a message or letter that says that you wish them luck dealing with their feelings and becoming happier.
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Regards,
Riley.
