How Can I Start Becoming a New Person in my Life? | 4.5 Steps
Index:
1) Intro
2) How do people get stuck in the same beliefs?
3) Why are people so close-minded?
4) How do your words define your identity?
5) How can you start becoming more observant of the world?
6) Learn more!
Good morning!
You wanna start feeling ways about yourself and the world that you’ve never felt before?
Start developing a transcendent vision that can see ALL the things that people do in life that make them miserable, stop them from growing or that destroy their relationships with others?
This is MOST likely the solution…
Listen more than you talk.
How do people get stuck in the same beliefs?
When you tell someone (or yourself) that you’re a certain kind of person or that you have certain habits, you reinforce those beliefs EVERY single time.
This can be both positive and negative beliefs.
When was the last time you heard someone complain?
Or aggressively defend their opinions as being correct, with the obvious intent of blocking out ANYTHING the other person has to say?
Complaints like “I’m so bad at math” and “I’m not confident”.
Or defence mechanisms like this:
[Someone makes a good point in an argument] “Yeh but still… you’re wrong”.
Stop saying everything that you think, both to yourself and to others.
Complaints and defence mechanisms lead to people losing track of who they are, because they never stop to actually observe and reflect on the thoughts they have about themselves, others and the world at large.
Why are people so close-minded?
These same habits of complaining and aggressively defending one’s opinions prevent many people from learning as much as they could (if anything) when hanging out with people who’re smarter than them.
So they miss out on learning something new and growing as an individual.
If you want to get ahead in life in ANY way, you MUST learn to listen more than you talk.
Whether you’re trying to get into that particular career path, get more into exercise, make more money, improve your mental wellbeing or provide for or strengthen your connection with your family...
You’ll never get those things if you don’t stop to observe your own thoughts, the behaviours of others or to take in the experiences of the people you speak to.
How do your words define your identity?
You view self-belittlement, putting responsibility onto other people and things, and complaints about who you are and your life-position as acceptable.
You might even make jokes about these.
Every single time you do one of those things, you’re casting a vote for a person who’s unaccountable, unconfident, dishonest and self-deprecating.
And you’re stripping yourself of power.
Both IN THIS moment, and in the future.
Because if you express these traits all the time, that’s gonna compound over time.
Then before you know it, you’ve aged 10 years, have learnt nothing about your core identity, about people or about the wisdom of the world, and have nothing to show for all those 10 years spent living.
You’re the exact same person.
So listen, don’t speak.
Observe, don’t judge (I’m still working on this one).
Accept, don’t reject new ideas.
SO,
How can you start becoming more observant of the world?
IFR (Intention, Focus, Reflect)
Set an intention to listen at the beginning of the day.
I don’t really do it at the start of the day, rather it’s always in the back of my mind that I wanna listen to what people have to say, observe them, connect with them and learn from them.
Your main intentions are to be curious, to connect to people on a deeper level and to learn stuff.
Focus on being mindful as you walk around.
Breathe through your belly using your nose.
When you’re with someone or talking to them, focus solely on you and them and forget that anything else exists, unless other people are also present in the conversation.
Don’t think too much about other stuff you have going on or things that don’t exist in that present moment.
Reflect on conversations while you’re having them.
If you can’t do it during, do it after a good conversation.
Think about what the person said and just appreciate the conversation in your head.
This will allow you to draw connections between what you already know about the world, what you believe and what the person was saying.
To reflect in the moment, ask things like “are their beliefs the same or different from mine?”, or “why did they do/say that?”.
Another way is to be accountable.
After a conversation, ask yourself, "how can I use this to learn more about myself?".
After an argument, ask "why exactly am I feeling this way?".
Notice when you blame someone else for something and ask yourself, "what if it isn't their fault?".
Finally, whenever you notice a negative or intrusive thought brewing - verbally identify it.
If it's something to do with overthinking (my most common thoughts), say "ah, there's the overthinking story again".
Here’s one other things that you can start doing today.
Reduce excessive small talk.
If you’re experiencing a feeling that you need to say something in a conversation, but you don’t really have anything to say, don’t say anything.
Otherwise, you’re putting your brain into a state of stress and an incapacity to just be with someone.
Just don’t frantically try and think of something great to say, that’s valuable energy that you need and it’s unnecessary.
Just being in the presence of someone allows you to be calm, listen to the person, observe them and maybe even actively reflect at the same time, or at least after the conversation.
That’s it!
A bit of a different topic today.
Join the Peaky Pines Email Community if you to hear more stuff like this, because it was firstly the topic of an email I sent out to the group just over a week ago.
If you don’t want to live a stagnant life and find the idea of giving the power to control your life to other people disturbing…
Make a change, get involved with better people and unlock your “Destined Identity”.
If you’d like to become more financially, physically and mentally competent, as well as start growing into the person who gets sh*t done and can provide for their loved ones…
Make the commitment.
Join the Peaky Pines Email Community.
Talk soon, buddy boo.
Riley.