How to Become a Man You’re Proud of Without Self-Development Content.
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You want to become the kind of man who's happy and confident, but you still feel anxious and are not sure how to change that.
By the end of this Procedure, you'll know who to become, how to become that person and be on the way to learning through experience and without needing online content like this.
When you follow a destined identity instead of other people, you train yourself to become a unique asset.
When you think and act in accordance with the man you want to become, you gain individual value to the point that you’re making more money, you get promoted at your job or gain respect from those you meet.
You'd also find yourself able to adapt to whatever happens and remain calm whenever things are uncertain.
You can look at yourself in the mirror and smile.
You'll have kids and a partner who turn to you for support, love and knowledge and you’ll teach that child to stand up for and respect themselves, impact the world in a positive way and who experiences life to the fullest.
The way you do this is by choosing who you want to be.
Now you do this specifically by identifying the values of your dream man and then how to embody those values.
This process helps you process your issues so that you don’t pass them onto your kids and fuck up their future. My Mum has thankfully done this and so whatever mental limitations she had throughout her life, I don't suffer with.
Now that we’re talking about family, understand that your future marriage will also be healthier because by following your own unique destiny, you’ll be happier with a greater sense of purpose and won’t get emotional at your partner like you would when you have deeply buried subconscious problems.
But what do you care about?
Let's cut to it; you want to feel good, happy, not anxious and have friends who care about you and who you can be authentic with.
How are you going to be authentic when you're not present and don’t know who you really are?
The man who pays no attention to his identity and getting to know himself, will not act honestly because he doesn’t know who “himself” is.
You literally won't feel the human connection you’re craving and you won't be respected or like the people around you to a significant degree. You won't have an intimate loving relationship that turns into a marriage.
We're talking years down the line with marriage and that's where I need to mention also that by basing decisions on anything but identity, you're choosing aimlessness and every moment wasted is to costly for a man of your potential to bare.
To become someone admirable whilst doing the same things as everyone else would be an unnaturally impressive feat.
You must find your own unique path towards becoming a unique man.
To do this, download the 10 Q's to Find Your Purpose and fill that out, ensuring you write as much as you can in Q10.
Buy a journal and write the answers from Q10 in there and choose one habit to start doing and then what values that habit demonstrates.
In order to implement this habit, we need to build an Associative Habit.
Here's an extract from another Procedure I've written, “Refer to this personal example of how I commit to yoga everyday in order to build your first Associative Habit:
I wake up.
Turn off my alarm.
Walk around the other side of the bed to open the curtains.
Fix up my bedsheets.
Walk back around the bed to my desk where I literally pick it up and put it on my bed (I live in a small studio).
To finally start yoga I will pick up the yoga mat from the floor and spread it out.
Now I do the yoga 😸.
You can see how I “associate” each piece of the habit with the next and I do them in the same order every time. That’s how it’s done baby".
If you need more clarity, you can go read that whole Procedure.
What we're doing here is putting you on a whole new life path.
This is not something you've done before. This is a path of clarity and tangible actions to be taken daily.
It also means you're making constant progress because you're just choosing a value, embodying it to some degree and then verbally identifying, "I'm the kind of man who gets out of bed on demand and takes control of his day".
“I’m the kind of man who x” is where The Amplification Principal comes in.
The only way to truly understand what in God’s name is going in life is to get life experience.
A focus on personal experience and experimentation means that you won't need other people to give you the answers unless you feel they could speed up your process - because you'll find the answers within.
No matter what happens or what you lose, you’ll still have you.
The alternative to this is a path of aimlessness and not understanding why you're not where you want to be.
Aimlessness is listening to and copying people who don't live the life you want and aren't the same person as you.
For example, I used to listen to my friends at school and try to copy them but their brain's didn't work the same as mine and were completely different human beings - which is arguably the whole benefit of our species - experiencing individuality instead of hive-mind behaviour.
You won't make any progress doing this because you're looking in the wrong direction.
Imagine waking up 5 years from now still in the same position and being even more frustrated and clueless?
The man you want to become: Embody not what they do, but what they value.
What I'm talking about here is that in the 10 Q's to Find Your Purpose, questions 3, 7, 9 and 10 all touch on important things.
They show you exactly how the man you aspire to thinks, lives and acts.
If you determine that this man values calmness, honesty, reliability, value, compassion and commitment, then you can break down all the possible daily habits that would lead to or reflect that and then commit to just one of those habits.
Others say this sounds too simple - for me it’s been reality.
The only other important part of the process I'd mention that makes it less simple is the constant learning and reflecting.
Except, this only requires you to write online or post content so that you learn by teaching and are incentivised to get life experience, experiment and reflect.
If anything, this is simply the strategy I implemented to speed up significantly my identity embodiment. We'll talk about it in the next paragraph.
I created a resource called the 10 Q's to Find Your Purpose, which includes questions such as:
What are your values?
What do you truly want out of life?
What traits and characteristics would the person you want to be have?
How can you embody those traits or values in your daily life?
So once you answer questions like these, it becomes clear what you need to start doing and where you intend your actions to take you.
This leads you to experimenting with what makes you less or more anxious and makes you choose your daily focus carefully.
Once I knew this information about myself, I started researching cryptocurrency for monetary goals I had, woke up at 5am each morning to work out and I stopped copying my friends.
Go answer the questions.
To become who you want to be, write or record content that gives you clarity on how to do it.
This is the accelerator once you’ve discovered what habits to implement.
Start writing on medium, on X or get a web domain in your name, "firstnamelastname.com".
This is also great for your future employers to see since this will be regular. For instructions on this process, click here.
Be aware that when you're going about your daily life, you need a foundation to refer to when making decisions. Your values are the primary part of that, but learning and development comes from the content.
When you're not teaching things about the problems you're solving for yourself, in order to learn, your foundation lies in the perceived superiority of others.
Like you're doing right now, you see people more confident than you and you just copy them for that reason. With the strategy I'm prescribing, you become the foundation.
Besides copying those around you, you're no longer watching content online, you become the valuable content.
The most valuable for your personal destiny. This brings us into another point...
You are your number one asset.
For around 2 years now, I've learned entirely through experience or experimentation, rather than from content online. Yes, content like what you're reading now. The problem with relying on content online is that it's not tailored to you.
The only way to get clarity in how lessons apply to life is thorugh experience.
Once you do this, you become unreliant on anyone else. It's like walking out the house with nothing but a backpack and going to a new place, new state or new country. You've got what you need and nothing more.
You're free.
If things go wrong, you work it out.
You never need answers from anybody else. Do you realise what this means?
Imagine living all the time, always feeling like you're in the thick of life and all its wonders, never needing to stay in your room preparing to live.
The self confidence and self respect you gain throughout this journey is amazing, because you're proving yourself through experience, adapting and individually solving problems.
Speaking of self confidence, let's talk more about The Amplification Principal.
The Amplification Principle: the act of making an action appear more significant than it is in reinforcing your desired identity.
People think they need to do amazing things to be amazing, when really you just need to do small things that are reflective of an amazing person.
I gave an example earlier of brushing your teeth twice a day, 2 days in a row and telling yourself that you're "the kind of man who's consistent and is committed to good health and hygiene".
People may think that this identity-reinforcement is deceptive.
What I've seen by doing this myself for 2 years now is that my brain still embodies the spoken identity as if I'd done something amazing. That's right, small habits like this are enough to change your brain's perception of itself and therefore build self-faith and confidence.
You might ask however, why would that change who you are? You're just deceiving yourself instead of doing big things.
Tell me, do people generally like change? Do you?
Absolutely not.
That's the reason most people don't do anything about their problems, anxiety, etc. Their brain is in survival mode and so fundamental changes to their daily life and way of living is mostly out of the picture.
Therefore, we need a way to change who we are at our core without needing to sing "Apt" by Rose and Bruno Mars in the middle of our city centre when we haven't even built enough confidence and presence to talk to another student at university.
That's not to say that The Amplification Principal is only to be used at the start of your journey of overcoming overthinking, since I still use this sometimes to this day and I've come a stupidly long way from the boy I once was.
This is almost like the Law of Attraction 2.0.
The standard Law of Attraction is basically self-delusion so that you attract stuff.
Amplification on the other hand, is so effective because you're saying something based on truth. Your brain literally can't deny the verbal affirmation that you're saying.
It's similar to resume writing, where you can make your minimal work experience seem way better than it is.
Now we need something to start today.
Let's explore the 2 things I want you to do right now.
To embody an entirely new identity, you must shed completely your old one.
I've recently gone back to doing 5-15 Minute Self Expression Sessions each night before meditation. Essentially this is brainstorming your thoughts either into a written journal or on a keyboard/phone without thinking at all. Up to 15 mins straight non-stop.
What this does is it clears your head like you clean your room. Now you have room to breathe and a lesser thunderstorm of thoughts.
Feelings about the past will come up and you'll keep going until you need to stop.
Now you sit.
When I first did this to get thoughts out of my head years ago, I had emotions that were associated with those thoughts arise and I made sure not to push them away.
You get to a point where you feel you can move on in life.
Here's a process for you to go through:
1. Journal or type out all your thoughts for 5-15 mins in the last hour of your day.
2. Meditate before bed without music, audios or breathing exercises. Your thoughts and feelings associated with your past will come up.
3. Most thoughts will be random, but only sometimes will something come to you like a realisation that feels important to write down or type up. You can do so, then go back to meditating.
This will be your 5-15 minute 'Self-Expression Session'.
Only after doing this will your brain be capable of shifting into a fundamentally new state of being.
At the end of the day, this Procedure is optional. You can continue what you've been doing if you like.
Take care,
Riley.
P.S. I send these out weekly by email. Join the Peaky Pines Email Community so you don't miss out on insights I give on different topics.
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