Still Socially Uncomfortable and Fearful? Maybe it’s Because You Haven’t Moved Out Yet.
Why moving out of the parent’s house has helped so many other young guys start overcoming social fear and discomfort.
You want to live each day without social fear, self-doubt or hesitation, or the constant worry of getting into a social interaction.
But you feel like any change to your lifestyle feels big, scary, and risky. Deep down, you want the freedom to say and do as you please and to live a happier, more exciting life. Even something as simple as walking up to a group of people to join in on their conversation is too scary. You see others traveling, pursuing their dreams, and building a family with a partner and an upcoming child and you want that.
By the end of this Procedure, you’re going to feel comfortable enough to move out of your parent’s house and go explore the world on your own. Enough that you start telling family and friends about it, looking for jobs online, and exploring share-housing or studio-living options.
This isn’t just a process for moving out; it’s a journey toward the mental freedom and joy you’ve been longing for. This isn’t about finding a new place to stay—it’s about becoming the sole determinant of your life so that you can break free from hesitation, fear, and self-doubt by experiencing life in all its glory.
New friends, travel, learning about yourself, creating your own organised living space, buying new socks and a cool mug, making mistakes, doubting yourself and then making yourself proud again.
Moving out will force you to adapt and figure out life and serve as the first chapter where you start to see real progress and the snowball gets rolling.
Roll like a snowball through the rest of this Procedure ;)
Fear is temporary. Regret is permanent.
Disclaimer: At some point during the earlier stages of this Procedure, you’ll decide you want to know exactly what to do to move out and start overcoming your problems. At that point, you can scroll down to the big subheading that says, “Procedure Steps” and get started.
“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams.” — The Alchemist
Staying where you are, with your routines and your family’s safety net, might be one of the biggest reasons you feel stuck. If you don’t make the jump and take the leap into a life of independence, you’ll have a limited ceiling for growth no matter what you do.
Imagine waking up ten years from now, still in the same place. You haven’t moved out. You haven’t taken risks. You haven’t chased any of your dreams. You let the fear you feel right now stop you from saying and doing what you want for the rest of the day which quickly becomes the rest of your life.
Fear is temporary. Regret is permanent.
The suffocating tightness in your chest and mental blur as life repeats itself the same way every day will significantly trump whatever inconvenience and difficulty comes from moving out of home.
Psychologically, your fear clouds your judgment and so your brain tells you that taking big action to reduce social fear, self-doubt and hesitation isn’t necessary. If you stay where you are now, surrounded by the same people, doing the same things, your future self will look back in anguish, wishing they had acted when they had the chance. Read on boy.
You cannot be the man you aspire to if you do things that such a man would not do.
When you live at home, you reinforce the identity that you’re still not fully independent.
That includes having a lifestyle that doesn’t reflect the identity of that socially confident and grounded person.
Wake up.
Moving out forces you to create new habits and redefine who you are because you will have embarked on your own Hero’s Journey. Scroll down to Procedure Steps to learn how to begin that journey and then keep it going.
You will never be younger than you are today.
Even in the next 3 hours, you’ll have lost time and the future you want will have extended further away from your reach. How many years of silent suffering will it take to make you start learning and taking things seriously?
Every day you spend in your current situation, you’re losing opportunities to create memories, grow, and expand your capabilities.
If nobody knows you’re moving, you will not do it.
Social psychology shows that people are more likely to follow through on decisions if they publicly commit to them. When we announce a goal or intention to others, we feel an inherent pressure to stay consistent with that commitment because we don’t want to be seen as untrustworthy or flaky.
If you seriously want to feel comfortable to be yourself and easily able to say what you want without social fear, tell a family member or a friend about it.
The more people know about your plan, the more likely you are to follow through. And once you’ve made the announcement, your brain will begin finding ways to stay true to this.
Public Commitment is one of the most effective ways to create lasting change, which is why the Procedure Steps below utilise Content Curation.
People overthink so much about what to do that they never do anything.
You might think you need to have everything figured out before you make a move. This is a classic example of analysis paralysis—the psychological tendency to overthink until you’re too scared to act.
The truth is, no one has all the answers or perfectly understands who they are or why they do things. The only way to figure stuff out is to learn and adapt on the fly. However, the Procedure Steps below will make this easier for you.
The lessons that you learn after moving out of your parent’s house will teach you infinitely more than those you’ve listened to from YouTubers and Instagramers. This is because you’ll be have real life context to make sense of the lesson and therefore your mind can embody it at a deep level.
You grow most through personal experience, not that of others.
Everyone who’s achieved something meaningful has had to make a big leap.
Successful business founders have taken huge risks to get to where they are today. Steve Jobs left college and traveled to India seeking purpose, which later shaped his vision for Apple. J.K. Rowling went from welfare to writing in cafes, struggling but finding her passion and ultimately becoming one of the world’s most successful authors.
Immigrant parents or grandparents hustled to get into western countries in hopes for a better life for themselves and their children.
There are others who have began their journey after moving out because they were wiling to take the risk. You’re not alone - I’m with you.
Procedure Steps
Discover what you truly desire and what you value
Download the 10 Questions (Q’s) to Find Your Purpose. Now answer the questions. Keep in mind that the data I’ve obtained from the 700+ people who’ve gone through this practice before you, concludes that you’re much more likely to uncover truths about yourself and what you deeply desire, if you are fully honest in answering these.
To maximise the depth you reach with this practice, you must come back to the 10 Q’s tomorrow and read your answers. Change or add anything you’d like to. If you first answered the questions at nighttime, this second review should be conducted in the daytime.
The day after completing this review, go out and purchase a nice journal that you’d want to write only the most important words inside of. The writing in here will be neat and intentional - so buy a pen that runs smoothly or that you’d like to write with.
Neatly write your answer to Q7 inside of the journal you purchased.
Start sharing your story through content
The solution I’m going to prescribe you is unconventional - go to your notes app on your phone and type in, “whatever I want” and come back.
Now, go to your camera app and record your face or something around you for a second or two.
Which one felt better?
If writing, start writing on Medium. Whenever you feel like, you can grab a domain in your name and write a blog. I create with Squarespace.
If you’d like to do video, post one video to Insta or YouTube. Don’t just do an intro saying, “guys I’m gonna start making content”. Maybe just state on video one thing you appreciate about the day you’re having. If you need, you can keep your posts private on YT, until you’re ready to publicise them. However, part of the practice is doing it publicly and not expecting anything from it except to share your thoughts and what you’re learning or doing.
As you move away, you can document the process ;)
Start the move.
Brainstorm places you’d want to live.
Place them in order of most wanted to least wanted.
Pick the top 5 places and ask why you want to live there.
Search up “share/rooming/flatshare houses [country you’ll be living in once you move]. E.g. “Share houses in Canada”. You’ll find sites that display places to live in different cities and towns. See what the prices of rent are like in the destination, the cost of living and the quality of life based on what you’re looking for. Message people but don’t make any payments yet.
Look for jobs on Indeed or by searching “jobs in [country you’ll be living in once you move]”
With both the search for share houses and jobs, make sure you look at the reviews for the platforms you’re using and don’t disclose too much personally identifying questions about yourself on the flatshare sites. People only need to know your name and the rest is about your personality and what benefits others should expect from you being a tenant.
Apply to a ton of full time jobs and once you get one, do some research on the company to make sure they’re not a totally toxic workplace. Accept a job offer
If you want to go to university, I want you to start going through Step 1 “Purpose” and 2 “Start sharing your story through content”. This will ensure you know what exactly you want to do in the next 2 years. FYI, many coworkers of mine work part-time and study part-time.
Keep learning and embrace every experience that’s thrown at you.
Ask yourself, “would I rather the suffering or The Journey?”
Because you know what to do now.
Step 1 is answering the 10 Questions to Find Your Purpose.
Step 2: If you overthink about creating basic content, check out my other YT channel TheArchitect that I ran around a year ago that had simple daily videos. They actually performed well too haha.
Have a good one,
Riley.
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